I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize