I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
