I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
