I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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