So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
this hospital has no fireball
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize