is wine microwaveable?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
