How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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