I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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