u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize