Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
