YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
