then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
