weddingsv make me drug and hornr
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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