it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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