proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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