can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
