Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
foreskin is a definite game changer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My breasts were aching with rage.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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