i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
