I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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