One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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