I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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