I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
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