she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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