you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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