Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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