Already got asked if we're dating
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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