Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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