well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
