I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
love makes seman taste better
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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