i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
