Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
