If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
