it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
