If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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