Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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