sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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