oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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