Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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