I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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