I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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