I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tell her she can't have a vagina
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
