sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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