Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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