End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
