Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
this hospital has no fireball
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
