half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize