It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
