He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
