i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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