never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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