Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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