Pants 0. Shit 1.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
