You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
