If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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