Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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