my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have post one night stand depression
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
