I am spending my child support on dildos
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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