it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
