Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize