When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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