girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
