Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
