There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
