Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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