So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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