i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
