my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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