It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize