I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
