You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
